Dear Critic, please take note, I’ll be leading this dance

[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section” _builder_version=”3.22″][et_pb_row admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”3.25″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ custom_padding=”|||” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.29.3″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” z_index_tablet=”500″ text_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” text_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” text_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” link_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” link_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” link_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” ul_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” ul_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” ul_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” ol_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” ol_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” ol_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” quote_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” quote_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” quote_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” header_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” header_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” header_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” header_2_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” header_2_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” header_2_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” header_3_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” header_3_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” header_3_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” header_4_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” header_4_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” header_4_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” header_5_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” header_5_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” header_5_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” header_6_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” header_6_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” header_6_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” box_shadow_horizontal_tablet=”0px” box_shadow_vertical_tablet=”0px” box_shadow_blur_tablet=”40px” box_shadow_spread_tablet=”0px” use_border_color=”off”]

Last week I joined the DeGroote School of Business Women’s Professional Network for breakfast as their keynote speaker. I always enjoy the creative energy I get preparing for a workshop or talk, thinking about how to share ideas in a meaningful and relevant way. And it’s fun to be with people in an experience, sharing emotions, reactions and reflections in learning.

Ironically, or not so considering public speaking is a stress-inducing venture, I started to get triggered by my critic voice the night before my talk. Her harsh and nasty, yet familiar voice poking at me with “Who are you to talk about this?” and “You haven’t even finished writing the book, you’re such a fraud!” I recognized this wicked voice, coaxing me to back down, get small and seek safety, before I humiliated myself.

And here is what I’d like to say dear critic, I’ve been practicing my skills with how to work with you and put you in your place, gently and firmly. I’ve learned to notice the sound of your voice and the words you use, language much meaner than I ever use with a sarcastic tone aimed to make me shrivel. I can see you and call you out as my cautioning critic and not my true, wise self.

I recognize the hot wave of shame or embarrassment, the nausea of fear your voice provokes when I want to step out into the world with a new offer and share with others who I am and what I care about. I breathe in my care, my acceptance for who I am today. I breathe out my fear, my shame and my hesitation. Breathing calms what you have elicited.

My body is alive with nervous energy and a need for protection when I hear your panicked command to “retreat now before it’s too late!” Determined to get out from under you, I stand, knees soft, feet under my hips for stability, shoulders back, eyes facing forward toward the horizon where I’m heading. I’m physically standing in my care, facing my future and allowing my body’s reaction to your provocations to diminish.

I watch myself move from a tangled, jittery mess to a chick in a pink dress ready to share her thoughts and ideas in a room of wonderful professional women and men. I enjoyed the moment and I had fun in spite of your attempts to quiet me. Together we learned, laughed, shared and talked about the phenomena of not feeling good enough and taming our wild inner critic.

And I know dear critic you will come back again as you did the minute I saw the pictures from the event. You came screeching back with “Wow you look pregnant, too bad you didn’t wear the spanx,…” Sigh.

And so it continues, this dance I do with you my inner critic and my “not enoughness”. However, be warned dear critic, in this dance, I’m learning how to listen to my own music, find my footing and lead rather than follow!

[/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]